The Reality of Divorce

You probably know someone who’s divorced. Your parents; your friends’ parents; family members; teachers; coworkers; heck, even the random checkout chick could be divorced.

My own parents are separated, and it sucks.

Trust me, it does.

To anyone who’s a divorced kid (kid of divorced parents) let me tell you: you are not alone! There are millions of other kids who have to face it every day, and we understand.

Whilst marriage is supposed to be forever and full of love and caring and all that, the reality is that sometimes it just doesn’t work out. This could be because the marriage was too quick; because they didn’t feel what they should have, or thought they did; because the feelings were there, but have disintegrated; or because even though the feelings were there and still are there, things might have happened that can’t be forgiven.

Some people marry too fast. This could be because they are in a crazy, head-over-heels, soul-consuming relationship (which happens); it could be because there is a baby, either born or on the way; or because of other circumstances, such as money, peer pressure or even being drunk (*cough* Vegas *cough*). I’m not saying this is wrong, or bad; I understand why people do it, and sometimes it’s out of necessity. However, this can be bad because the two people don’t know each other well enough yet; and things change so quickly.

Whilst it’s not as common, occasionally people don’t have feelings for the person they marry. This could be because they’re too shy to say anything; they want to get married; or it’s out of necessity. Has anyone seen The Proposal starring Sandra Bullock? If you haven’t, there’s a movie to add to the list of movies to watch. Basically, Margaret decides to marry her employee Andrew to get a Visa, so she doesn’t get deported to Canada. This is the perfect example of marrying for necessity; and sometimes the lack of feeling overrides the need for the marriage.

One of the most common reasons for separation or divorce is that the feelings have simple disappeared. This could be because of arguments, money strain, outside influences (such as a friend or family member that hates the spouse) or any number of reasons. As people grow, they change, and they don’t always change together and go in the same direction. My grandparents have been together for over 50 years; my parents struggled to reach 15. So obviously some marriages work, and some don’t.

Another popular reason for divorce is that the feelings are still there, but something happened. This something can be lying, an affair, stealing, abuse or even just failing to be there. This unfortunately happens a lot, and the smart ones go. Some problems can’t be resolved, can’t be forgiven and forgotten, and will cause resentment and hurt. And if this has happened, leaving is a good choice – no matter how much it sucks.

All separations and breakups will leave a trail of broken hearts, hurt and anger, regret, and possibly a lot more messy feelings.

If there are children, pets, houses, businesses etc. involved, it can make it all the messier. Settlement, custody, even distribution and loads more can be complications in the breakup.

It sucks when your parents break up, but it does happen a lot.

Whilst I don’t have any advice or experience with being involved in a divorce (I have one ex-boyfriend who I was with for 3 weeks) I know a fair bit about being a child of divorce.

I know that it’s confusing and scary; it hurts and kills; it can make you lose faith in a lot of things. But here is my message to divorce kids: stay strong, keep hope, and remember that it will get better!

I’m not at that ‘better’ stage yet, but I am hopeful that it’s coming soon – I’m about due for something good!

And remember that you aren’t alone, that there is somebody somewhere in the same situation, and that there is always someone you can talk to. No matter how hard it is right now, it will get easier, even though it might get worse first.

But hang in there, because you have to experience the darkness to appreciate the light, but eventually day will come and the sun will rise. I have faith in you :)

The reality of divorce is that it is messy, it is heartbreaking, it is difficult. The child/children can often get caught in the middle, they do get dragged from one house to the other, they can take sides, they can prefer one parent or place to another, the parents might tell them things they don’t or want to hear, and so many different thoughts and feelings are going to run through the heads of everyone involved. Just remember that it is never the kid’s fault, and we often don’t get control over or a say in what happens, and that can be super tricky.

Would you like me to do more “Divorce” posts? It is a huge subject for me, but what do you people think? Is it a good idea, will it be helpful? I want your feedback!

This post was heavier than usual, but I thin k this is a really important topic to talk about because so many people have to deal with it. 

Fairy God Daughter,

Flying Away

When Friendships Go Bad

Yesterday I had my first day back at school. Yay! I was expecting it to be the best first day of the best year. And it mostly was...
Except that something happened at lunch time.

To tell this story, I'm going to have to backtrack a bit.

Two years ago, my friendship group consisted Ice Queen; Fish; Fangirl; and Superstar. There was also some others, but those are the main ones.

Since then, Superstar and Ice Queen have moved away - one to about an hour away, and the other across the other side of the country. Which sucks.

Yesterday was my first day at school without Ice Queen because I met her in the first week of my first year at this school. So already, I was nervous about the friendship aspect of the day. But then this event happened.

At my school, we have a first break (Morning Tea) and a second break (lunch). At first break, I went to the table that we had sat at last year. Fish and Fangirl didn't show up, but the other girls did. I didn't really think it was that important because it's not unusual for people to skip a lunch or morning tea. Sometimes people are talking to a teacher, other friends or are just too busy.

I didn't see them between morning tea and lunch, because we had different schedules.

At lunch, nobody was at the table. Except for me.

Our lunch is just under an hour long. About halfway through, when I was about to cry, some girls from another group - the group that I will be sitting with from now on - came over and sat down. They basically said that I looked lonely and would I like to go sit with them and their group. I did, and had a good lunchtime.

Immediately after, we had to go get our books. Outside the hall that we had to go into, I spied the girls. When I went up to them, I said, "Where were you guys?"
They responded with, "At the table."
After informing them that no, they weren't because I was there all lunch, they then refused to tell me where their new table was.

And then I clued in to why they weren't telling me.
"If you don't want to be friends, just say so."
The look they gave each other said it all, so I turned and walked off. And they just let me go.

I didn't really see them for the rest of the day.
I didn't cry, because I knew there were too many people around and this wasn't their problem - it was mine. And Fish and Fangirl's, of course.

However, once I was on the way home - I had gotten off the bus and was walking from the bus stop to my house - the dam broke. I cried and cried as One Direction played on my iPhone. I even honestly consider stepping in front of a bus or car, before remembering that suicide wasn't the option, no matter how bad it would make Fangirl and Fish feel to know that it was their fault (because it could make me feel pretty dodgy myself, or it could make me dead) and how much I would love to not have this stress and confusion on my shoulders.
I had a few questions, mostly beginning with why and what.
Why had they treated me like this. Why didn't they want to be friends anymore. What had I done? What could I do now? Did I even want to be friends with people who would treat me like that?
One thing I didn't consider was that it wasn't my fault. They are the only people that can decide how they act, and if they choose to be cows it's up to them.

So I called my trusty FGM and had a long D&M with her (which was punctuated with noise from Strawberry as she tried to climb into her pram which would probably tip it over) which made me realise that they were complete cows, that I didn't need friends like that (or that with friends like that I didn't even need enemies).
She also suggested I write a blog post, which I am obviously doing right now.

The last thing that I did related to this issue (aside from blocking them on Instagram) was text Fangirl with a simple, "What happened today?" 
I didn't get a reply.

Today when I went to school, I saw them a little bit in the morning. I made eye contact with Fangirl, who looked away; Fish wouldn’t look at me.

At lunch, they came to my new group and asked to talk to me. I initially refused, saying that I had nothing I wanted to say to them; but when the other girls in my group said I should, I went with them.

They then proceeded to talk about every fight or argument we’ve had since the group formed, two years ago. These were their reasons for ditching me. They also spoke about their other stuff going on at home – to be fair, I do use the ‘stuff going on outside of school’ excuse a lot, which I’ve decided not to do this year.

When they started saying personal stuff about me, I snapped.

I basically said to them that I don’t want to be friends with people who leave me by myself and don’t talk to me, then leave it up to me to figure it out. I don’t want to be friends with people who don’t have the decency to tell me when they have legitimate issues. More importantly, I don’t want to be friends with people who make me feel so bad that I walk home crying, feel so bad that I call FGM in tears, feel so bad that I consider jumping in front of a bus, feel so bad that I believe I have no friends and that I’m a horrible person.

Would anyone?

I stormed off, almost in tears, and went back to my new group (who immediately make me laugh by talking about throwing cats at people).

And all afternoon, I’ve had one thought in my mind.

I am NOT going back to them. They are absolute cows.

So what are my thoughts?

Well first my thought was that it was my fault, but then I realized that obviously Fish and Fangirl have problems of their own.

I thought that it was extremely rude the way that they went about it. I thought that it was a really immature way to handle things.

I think that they owe me an apology for the way they handled it.

I know that if they treat me like that, they never really were my friends.

I think that I’m completely over them.

 But I know that if they need me, they'll come back, and I'll probably be stupid (or kind?) enough to let them. 

So what has this taught me?

It’s taught me that sometimes, no matter how hard you try or how great you think things are, friendships fall apart – or are smashed.

It’s taught me that you DO NOT under any circumstances treat your friends like that. If you thought they were good enough for you to form a friendship with them in the first place, they’re good enough to deserve to be told when that friendship’s over.  I don’t care how much you think they've screwed up, but they deserve to know - nobody should be kept in limbo wondering where they stand with someone. It sucks. I don't mind if you send a passive-aggressive text, scream at them that it's over or just say the cliche, "We're done." (followed by a hair flip and an impressive storm away, of course) JUST DON'T  LEAVE THEM HANGING!

I also learned that it's hard to know who your real friends are until it's put to the test. 

So what are your stories? What's happened in your group that has changed your life - good or bad? 

What have you learned from it and what are you doing (or did you do) about it? 

One last thing that I learned was that things change, people change and sometimes things don't always work. Just as you grow out of your favourite childhood ballet tutu or superhero costume, you can outgrow people, and relationships. 

But never let the fear of striking out stop you from playing the game. 

Fairy God Daughter, 

Flying away

The Day My Brother Caught a Shark

So I have a brother. He's nearly sixteen, and we're going to call him Shark. After this post, you'll see why.

My brother likes fishing, eeling and sharking. And yesterday, in the river, he and his friend were fishing, when the best moment of his fishing life happened.
He caught a shark.
It was a 1.1 metre bull shark, that he judged to be, 'at least eleven kilos.'

I wasn't with him at the time, but he called our mum, and she ran into the living room where my sister and I were watching Alvin and the Chipmunks (can I just say, that movie is hilarious) yelling "He's caught a shark, he's caught a shark, get in the car!"

We did, really confused, and on the manic drive to the river (during which my excited mother somehow managed to stay inside the speed limit) we asked Mum all about it, to which she responded with, "I DON'T KNOW!"

When we arrived at the river, my sister knew where to go, but I ran around like an idiot and kept tripping over. Trust me, that isn't anything new.
Anyway, when we found him he refused to take the shark out of the water until Mum got there. Unfortunately she was just walking and texting, so she took a little while to show up.

FINALLY he picked it up, and he could barely hold it. He wouldn't let me touch it, but I took loads of pictures. There were some random kids there as well, that I think were just hanging around when they heard Shark's high-pitched squeal (at least, I think there would have been one).

After my brother swam the shark away, we heard the story. They had used frozen mullet as bait, but defrosted it on a dirty park barbecue. "Gives it flavour," Shark said. (he also said the same thing about the pizza he ate two minutes after touching the shark - no, he did not wash his hands). After casting and getting a bite, they started to reel it in. They didn't get excited, because they thought it was just a stringray - which apparently act the same as sharks, regarding the bait, but are just disappointing - until the saw the fin. Then they started yelling and screaming. They were on the end of the jetty, so Shark had to run down to the shore to take the shark while his friend held it and reeled it in. Apparently they almost lost a shoe. They also wanted to eat the shark, but thankfully mum said "No way."

After we left, the boys kept fishing; but when they got home, the whole house started to smell like fish. And don't even get me started on how Shark threw his fish-clothes in the basket of clean clothes, instead of the one for dirty clothes.

"The trick to catching bull sharks is to cook the mullet on a barbecue," my brother's friend said.
"A dirty barbecue," added Shark.


So that's the story of how my brother caught a shark. Has anyone else got interesting stories of things that they or someone else have caught? Please tell me!

Fairy God Daughter,
Flying Away

The Cuteness Factor

Have any of you met someone who turns your brain to nothing and makes you feel all gooey because they're so beautiful and you love them so much?
I have. Quite a bit, actually (*cough* Harry Styles *cough*).

But there's this one person in particular who I'm thinking about. She's fifteen months old, and has this gorgeous red hair. Her mother (who happens to be FGM) insists on calling it 'strawberry blonde' so we're going to call the little girl Strawberry.
As I was saying, Strawberry has this gorgeous flaming red hair and clear blue eyes. They remind me of a storm, they're a deep blue and they're SO BIG! Paired with her pale skin and curly hair, she actually looks like a doll - or a model.

But I'm not writing this post to gush about Strawberry. I'm writing it to ask a question: Why do babies trigger that mushy response?? 

Personally I think it's because of three reasons: they're so innocent and little; you can find a connection with them; and because they're so damn cute!

While people generally won't remember their own baby days, they probably know a baby, or remember someone else as a baby. Obviously, I have Strawberry; I also have some cousins, and assorted others. And even though you might not remember your OWN baby days, everyone knows that they too were once that age, and so on a very basic level you would recognize yourself in the baby - whether it's a cute habit, a personality or the fact that THEY WON'T STOP SCREAMING!!

Everyone knows that babies are innocent; they can barely talk, let alone lose all of their naivety! People see that innocence as cuteness, and sometimes as hilarious (seriously - have you ever seen a baby throw a tantrum because they've lost something they put down on the table right in front of them?), and they also feel a need to protect this miniature person. Another thing on the innocence of babies - they give so many chances, and are usually positive. The first time they see you, they don't make judgments on your appearance or your likes or ANYTHING - as long as you smile at them and don't drop them too much, you have a fairly good chance at making a friend. And once a baby TRULY knows you and likes you, they won't forget you. So people appreciate that - even though it can be frustrating when the baby doesn't know you, so won't stop screaming until you return them to their mother!

The finally reason I think babies are cute is because of their appearance. With too-big hands and feet, eyes that barely fit in their head and that slightly stunned-mullet look of wonderment, babies are just adorable.

But that's my opinion anyway, and so now I'd like to know:

Why do YOU think babies are cute? Who's the cutest baby you've met? And most importantly - how do you make them stop crying???


Fairy God Daughter,
Flying away

My New Blog!

I'm just a teenage girl with a crappy laptop with keys that only work 50% of the time, but I'm going to give blogging a shot.
I was encouraged to start a blog by my amazing Fairy God Mother (who we will now refer to as FGM), who thought that YouTube wasn't the best way to put myself on the internet. After reading countless advice and 'how to' blogs (and panicking about paying money or copyright infringements or basically anything that could go wrong) I decided to just have a go.
That's what I want 2015 to be for me: The Year of Having a Go.
And if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. And if it does, then it does!
I'm really excited to be blogging and sharing my weird and wonderful life with anyone who chooses to join me!
So thanks for reading this, and if you're looking to read about the life of a teenage girl with a dodgy laptop and internet connection, separated parents, two siblings and a bunch of other stuff going on, then please, feel free to come with me on the rollercoaster of being a god daughter.

Fairy God Daughter,
Flying away