The Reality of Divorce

You probably know someone who’s divorced. Your parents; your friends’ parents; family members; teachers; coworkers; heck, even the random checkout chick could be divorced.

My own parents are separated, and it sucks.

Trust me, it does.

To anyone who’s a divorced kid (kid of divorced parents) let me tell you: you are not alone! There are millions of other kids who have to face it every day, and we understand.

Whilst marriage is supposed to be forever and full of love and caring and all that, the reality is that sometimes it just doesn’t work out. This could be because the marriage was too quick; because they didn’t feel what they should have, or thought they did; because the feelings were there, but have disintegrated; or because even though the feelings were there and still are there, things might have happened that can’t be forgiven.

Some people marry too fast. This could be because they are in a crazy, head-over-heels, soul-consuming relationship (which happens); it could be because there is a baby, either born or on the way; or because of other circumstances, such as money, peer pressure or even being drunk (*cough* Vegas *cough*). I’m not saying this is wrong, or bad; I understand why people do it, and sometimes it’s out of necessity. However, this can be bad because the two people don’t know each other well enough yet; and things change so quickly.

Whilst it’s not as common, occasionally people don’t have feelings for the person they marry. This could be because they’re too shy to say anything; they want to get married; or it’s out of necessity. Has anyone seen The Proposal starring Sandra Bullock? If you haven’t, there’s a movie to add to the list of movies to watch. Basically, Margaret decides to marry her employee Andrew to get a Visa, so she doesn’t get deported to Canada. This is the perfect example of marrying for necessity; and sometimes the lack of feeling overrides the need for the marriage.

One of the most common reasons for separation or divorce is that the feelings have simple disappeared. This could be because of arguments, money strain, outside influences (such as a friend or family member that hates the spouse) or any number of reasons. As people grow, they change, and they don’t always change together and go in the same direction. My grandparents have been together for over 50 years; my parents struggled to reach 15. So obviously some marriages work, and some don’t.

Another popular reason for divorce is that the feelings are still there, but something happened. This something can be lying, an affair, stealing, abuse or even just failing to be there. This unfortunately happens a lot, and the smart ones go. Some problems can’t be resolved, can’t be forgiven and forgotten, and will cause resentment and hurt. And if this has happened, leaving is a good choice – no matter how much it sucks.

All separations and breakups will leave a trail of broken hearts, hurt and anger, regret, and possibly a lot more messy feelings.

If there are children, pets, houses, businesses etc. involved, it can make it all the messier. Settlement, custody, even distribution and loads more can be complications in the breakup.

It sucks when your parents break up, but it does happen a lot.

Whilst I don’t have any advice or experience with being involved in a divorce (I have one ex-boyfriend who I was with for 3 weeks) I know a fair bit about being a child of divorce.

I know that it’s confusing and scary; it hurts and kills; it can make you lose faith in a lot of things. But here is my message to divorce kids: stay strong, keep hope, and remember that it will get better!

I’m not at that ‘better’ stage yet, but I am hopeful that it’s coming soon – I’m about due for something good!

And remember that you aren’t alone, that there is somebody somewhere in the same situation, and that there is always someone you can talk to. No matter how hard it is right now, it will get easier, even though it might get worse first.

But hang in there, because you have to experience the darkness to appreciate the light, but eventually day will come and the sun will rise. I have faith in you :)

The reality of divorce is that it is messy, it is heartbreaking, it is difficult. The child/children can often get caught in the middle, they do get dragged from one house to the other, they can take sides, they can prefer one parent or place to another, the parents might tell them things they don’t or want to hear, and so many different thoughts and feelings are going to run through the heads of everyone involved. Just remember that it is never the kid’s fault, and we often don’t get control over or a say in what happens, and that can be super tricky.

Would you like me to do more “Divorce” posts? It is a huge subject for me, but what do you people think? Is it a good idea, will it be helpful? I want your feedback!

This post was heavier than usual, but I thin k this is a really important topic to talk about because so many people have to deal with it. 

Fairy God Daughter,

Flying Away