Letting Go

Everyone says that they have; most try to; some manage it; but everyone needs to. 

What am I talking about? Letting go. 

And I don't mean rocking out to Frozen while in your PJs hating the people that called you ugly. That's not letting go. 

I mean full, complete, utter forgiveness and peace. 

I recently got over the friendship issues I've had. Actually, I don't think I have, but I've accepted it and am working towards letting it go. 

Getting over something literally means that you're above it, and you don't care. At least, that's how I see it. 

If you're still crying, thinking, talking or reacting to/about a situation - you are not over it. 

For example, what happened in my group (if you're unsure about what happened, read this: http://thefairygoddaughter.blogspot.com.au/2015/01/when-friendships-go-bad.html - it explains it) hurt a lot, and was hard to get over. But now, I can talk to them in class, walk past them in the corridor, and explain to people why I'm not sitting with them, all while feeling nearly nothing. 

I'm not going to lie, I have the occasional episode where I feel like I've been stabbed or punched and feel sorry for myself, and so I know that I'm not over it. 

And I don't think that I am ever going to be over it, because it was a big thing, and it will always remind me of the feelings, even if I don't feel them anymore. I'm never going to forget how it felt sitting alone wondering where everyone was; how their faces looked when I confronted them; or the walk home, where I was in tears on the phone to FGM. But I hope that I will be able to look back and not feel sad, angry or want to do anything. 

I know now that there is a difference between accepting, forgiving, letting it go and moving on; they are four very different things. I have accepted that it happened, I have accepted that my parents are split up, I have accepted that things are going to go back to how they were when I was 10 or 12. 

I have forgiven some of my old friends. 

I also know that letting go is hard, will be hard, has been hard, and I know that that's perfectly okay. I know that when I think about it I will get a twisted feeling in my belly, and I'm okay with that. 

Because it does get easier. Trust me. Eventually, I know I'll be able to do group work or smile at or walk past them without feeling a thing, and I know that if you are dealing with the same thing, or anything that makes you have similar feelings, YOU will get through it too! 

I'm sorry that this post is so messy and disorganised, I just wanted to get it out while I'm feeling it (writing is very therapeutic!). 

If you want, please share your stories and questions in the comments, and I will answer you! If you follow me, I'll follow back :) 

So just remember: it will all be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end. 

Fairy God Daughter, 

Flying away

Organisation

Okay let's be real.

It's hella difficult to be organised and neat and in control of everything. I personally know that EXTREMELY well.

However, on the weekend I managed to clean up my room and my study space, and here are a few things I found.

Souvenirs
I got very sidetracked because I kept finding old gems! Papers, notes, money, cards, clothes... you name it, I found it. And looked at it for half an hour.

Old food 
Fruit, snacks, drinks, whatever it is - I'm sure you'll find some food in your room. My personal favourite was a Starburst lolly from Strawberry's first birthday party - which was in October!

Something you needed and forgot about 
Library books, pens, things you've borrowed - everything shows up eventually! I found my ID card... which I had only gotten on Thursday but managed to lose behind my chest of drawers! I also found an old diary, some cushions and my favourite teddy bear that I got when I was 4.

Discouragement. 
You probably won't stay motivated the entire time. It's impossible! The best memory I have was when I was cleaning my room at my dad's, and I was DEEP cleaning. I had pulled my furniture out, all my clothes had been sorted through, the bed was piled high with junk - and then I realized it was 11pm. So I went to sleep on the floor, and woke up surrounded by a warzone.

Some memory of the promises you made. 
Whether it was a decision to be healthy, study well, or keep your room neat (oops) you will remember or be reminded of it at some point. And remembering that you hadn't gone for a run in two years makes you want to curl up and eat ice cream.

Boredom.
Yes, cleaning can be boring! Easiest way to combat it? Crank the music, get into something comfy and groove out!

Something you spent money on. 
I mean like serious money. This is usually in the form of a phone, iPod, camera or other electronics; or band merch. Mine was actually a camera that my dad had won and given me, and it was also broken (remind me to tell the story of my year 7 camp...) but nevertheless it was a great find.

And finally, A sense of accomplishment. 
Yay! You've cleaned your room, it's beautiful and for once you can see your carpet (even the bits with makeup on it...)

Now... how long until it's messy again? 


Good luck with your cleaning, and have fun with it! Be sure to share your best stories in the comments section - I can't wait to read them!

Fairy God Daughter,
Flying away

How to Cope With a Friendship Break Up

Friendships are amazing while they last, but sometimes they break up. Quite recently, mine has, and so I’d thought I’d give my advice on how to deal with a break up. These are not necessarily in order, but just suggestions of things to do.

First, you want to figure out if the friendship is actually over, because it takes a lot of energy to mourn it, and it would be a waste of time if you’re just facing a blip. If you’ve concluded that the friendship is over – whether it was your choice, their choice or a mutual decision – and are not going to try getting it back, then please read the next steps.

1.       Chocolate. Okay, it’s not healthy and it can’t fix everything, but a little bit of comfort eating makes you feel better. I’ve eaten almost a whole family block of chocolate in the last 3 days!

2.       Crying. Yes, this one makes you feel better (well, except for the headache you get afterwards). Grab a pillow, and scream and cry to your heart’s content. This is also where you can say things that you want to say to your ex-friends that you wouldn’t actually say to them.

3.       Get your anger out! The way I did this was by putting Taylor Swift on full volume and having a dance session. I closed my bedroom door, blasted the music and jumped around like a maniac, screaming the lyrics that I felt the most. From experience, the rest of my family left me alone.

4.       Find support. This means finding new friends, but also outside support. For me, it has been FGM, and my sister Ted. They’ve been giving me advice, hugs and made me laugh (I’m talking to you, Home Girl Kizzle Dizzle Fo-Shizzle Nizzle). Trust me, something this big isn’t something you want to face alone.

5.       Stop responding. Every time they say something and you reply and they say something else etc. you’re just escalating it. Instead, don’t reply; block them from social media, don’t reply to their messages and texts, don’t answer their calls, walk away from them – just don’t engage in conversation. This will stop you from moving on, and most likely will make you get hurt again. On the same token, if you need to have a proper conversation about what went on and where to go from now, then be mature and stay calm. If things get angry, leave, and don’t respond. But if you reply to their catty remarks, and they reply, then you say something worse – it won’t stop. Also, if you try at a later time to be friends, you don’t want to have said things that you’ll regret. This means you can’t get in trouble, and all you have done is tried to avoid conflicts. Eventually they’ll get bored when they realise they won’t get a reaction, and they’ll stop.

6.       Accept it and move on. This is the hardest one, but eventually you have to realize that the friendship has changed, and things are different. You have to accept it and move on with your life. You can’t let this rule you, because that gives your ex-friends power over you and they don’t deserve that at all! They’ve obviously done something that has wrecked the friendship, and neither of you are blameless (no matter what happened – they did or didn’t do something, and you did or didn’t do something else) so you do not owe them anything, except possibly an apology. Put them out of your mind and surround yourself with people that make you happy.

7.       Don’t hold grudges. This one is basically arguing the other ones, but if you have legitimate issues that you can’t move on from, you need to talk to your old friends. Keep it calm and relaxed, but say to them that you are very hurt by what they did or said, and tell them what you would like. They don’t know whether you want them to replace something, apologise or even just acknowledge they did something – you need to tell them. It’s as simple as saying, “Gemma, I am really hurt that you insulted my new hair colour during our argument. It would make me feel better if you apologise.” DO NOT LET THINGS GET HEATED! You don’t want to have another argument, so if things get angry, walk away. Simply say that you will be back when both of you are calm, and leave; or, just walk off.

8.       Finally, make peace. Make sure you aren’t harvesting any negative feelings towards them, and that you are ready to make peace. You don’t have to say anything, you just have to let go of the hurt and accept that it happened, but that’s okay. You need to be at the stage where you can smile at them and say hi occasionally, and that you won’t burn the school down if you’re in the same class/classes.

Once you’re at the stage where you can be civil, then you’re healed. It can be a long and painful journey, especially if they continue doing things such as sending messages, saying things, ganging up on you and everything else; but eventually, they’ll get bored and stop.

If something has happened in your friendship that requires the termination of your relationship, then I am really sorry this happened to you. I wish you the best in the future, and if you want you can leave your story in the comments.

Good luck :)

Fairy God Daughter,

Flying away.