A Teen's Perspective on Dieting

As a teenage girl brought up in a typical middle-class home, I have been exposed to all sorts of things, including diets. Dieting, particularly fad diets, is something that we are discouraged from - and rightly so. However, I don't think that there is enough real talk about it. So here we go, real talk with the Fairy God Daughter.

Diets are a thing; they are a fact of life. In my completely uneducated, not-in-any-way-professional opinion, diets are a sort of rite of passage - most girls (and probably guys, but I don't know) attempt it at one time or another. I know I have, more than once. And yet it's never really lasted for long.

There are a lot of different types of diets - there's vegetarian, vegan, no-carb low-carb high-protein low fat no fat high calcium high calcium with vitamin D and folate (do I sound like the lady from the Paul's Milk ad yet?) and then there are the many subcategories, especially those under the umbrella term 'healthy eating'.

Most teenagers will probably go through one or two of these - whether it's not eating meat for a week, forbidding anyone in the house to buy chocolate, or full on vegetables and fruit for a month.

Personally, I went through a period of about five months where I didn't eat red meat (I ate chicken and fish). I've been through a no-carbs-unless-absolutely-necessary phase. I once tried to not eat at school (which resulted in binging on chocolate, Pringles and Pop-Tarts when I got home).

One of my biggest problems still is moderation - and by that, I don't mean portion sizing. I mean that I will go for three weeks not wanting or needing chocolate, and then suddenly eat half (or more) of a family sized block of Cadbury Fruit and Nut. While that can be partially blamed on the other hellish thing that girls from the age of preteen to old lady have to deal with, I know that I can't help eating more once I've started. This is synonymous with my everyday life, because I tend to have an 'all or nothing' attitude.

Diets, in my opinion, aren't inherently bad. Eating healthy, doing a vegan cleanse occasionally, deciding that Krispy Kreme isn't getting your money - they aren't terrible. The problem with teenagers is that we have no clue how to do it sensibly, and many of us take it too far, or expect too much. This isn't just an issue with dieting though - studying, relationships and exercise are other perfect examples of going too hard and then crashing, or not doing a lot and then wanting better results.

The problem with dieting is that we, teenagers, aren't educated enough. Sure, there's the nutritional scientist expert food genius lady that came to school for an hour once and said "healthy is good starving is bad" and then left. And if you are in a position where you can get the 'right' food and have enough time to eat it and actually can be that dedicated, go for it. But that doesn't always work for me. For one reason, muesli seems to be a pretty popular option in breakfast suggestions, and was unfortunately ruined for me when my Dad didn't close the bag properly once and when I sat down to eat a nice bowl of muesli two weeks later, there were squirmy things in it. For another, I don't like predictable and boring. There's a difference between predictable and schedule - I like schedule. But eating the exact same thing every morning doesn't make me feel great. It makes me bored. I like to wake up in the morning and think "Breakfast? Yeah, I'll have that. What should I have though?" and run through my options before making a decision.
Another problem for me is that I am good at sticking to something... for a little while. I've happily eaten Sultana Bran for breakfast every morning for like six boxes, but when that box is finished I say, "Nope. Mum, can you start getting *totally different thing*."

I remember that once upon a time I poached myself an egg, made toast, and had avocado with it, and I sat and ate breakfast with coffee. But then that started taking too long.
I remember just having coffee. But that wasn't a good choice.
I've had poptarts, I've had cereal, I've had egg, I've had toast, I've had pizza, I've had fruit, I've had yoghurt... you name it, I've probably eaten it for breakfast.

I like variety and spontaneity and eating the same thing is annoying.


But back to education... once the genius food lady leaves, she's gone. See you later, thanks for coming, I don't remember a single thing you said except that there are good things about chocolate. And you're left with your basic knowledge of 'two fruits five veggies protein carbs and dairy' to try fend for yourself.

I don't have the answers. I can't magically make every person know what's best for them. I don't even know what's best for me, let alone someone else.

But I have questions, I have problems, and I am willing to take advice. So if you have any, please leave them down in the comments section and we can chat.

And finally... know yourself. Only you can tell when you're craving strawberries, or when you just want your Dad to stop making salad every day. And for goodness sake, if your body is screaming out for carbs, then give them to it. Make some toast. Trust me, you'll like it.

Fairy God Daughter,
Flying away

Letting Go

Everyone says that they have; most try to; some manage it; but everyone needs to. 

What am I talking about? Letting go. 

And I don't mean rocking out to Frozen while in your PJs hating the people that called you ugly. That's not letting go. 

I mean full, complete, utter forgiveness and peace. 

I recently got over the friendship issues I've had. Actually, I don't think I have, but I've accepted it and am working towards letting it go. 

Getting over something literally means that you're above it, and you don't care. At least, that's how I see it. 

If you're still crying, thinking, talking or reacting to/about a situation - you are not over it. 

For example, what happened in my group (if you're unsure about what happened, read this: http://thefairygoddaughter.blogspot.com.au/2015/01/when-friendships-go-bad.html - it explains it) hurt a lot, and was hard to get over. But now, I can talk to them in class, walk past them in the corridor, and explain to people why I'm not sitting with them, all while feeling nearly nothing. 

I'm not going to lie, I have the occasional episode where I feel like I've been stabbed or punched and feel sorry for myself, and so I know that I'm not over it. 

And I don't think that I am ever going to be over it, because it was a big thing, and it will always remind me of the feelings, even if I don't feel them anymore. I'm never going to forget how it felt sitting alone wondering where everyone was; how their faces looked when I confronted them; or the walk home, where I was in tears on the phone to FGM. But I hope that I will be able to look back and not feel sad, angry or want to do anything. 

I know now that there is a difference between accepting, forgiving, letting it go and moving on; they are four very different things. I have accepted that it happened, I have accepted that my parents are split up, I have accepted that things are going to go back to how they were when I was 10 or 12. 

I have forgiven some of my old friends. 

I also know that letting go is hard, will be hard, has been hard, and I know that that's perfectly okay. I know that when I think about it I will get a twisted feeling in my belly, and I'm okay with that. 

Because it does get easier. Trust me. Eventually, I know I'll be able to do group work or smile at or walk past them without feeling a thing, and I know that if you are dealing with the same thing, or anything that makes you have similar feelings, YOU will get through it too! 

I'm sorry that this post is so messy and disorganised, I just wanted to get it out while I'm feeling it (writing is very therapeutic!). 

If you want, please share your stories and questions in the comments, and I will answer you! If you follow me, I'll follow back :) 

So just remember: it will all be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end. 

Fairy God Daughter, 

Flying away

Organisation

Okay let's be real.

It's hella difficult to be organised and neat and in control of everything. I personally know that EXTREMELY well.

However, on the weekend I managed to clean up my room and my study space, and here are a few things I found.

Souvenirs
I got very sidetracked because I kept finding old gems! Papers, notes, money, cards, clothes... you name it, I found it. And looked at it for half an hour.

Old food 
Fruit, snacks, drinks, whatever it is - I'm sure you'll find some food in your room. My personal favourite was a Starburst lolly from Strawberry's first birthday party - which was in October!

Something you needed and forgot about 
Library books, pens, things you've borrowed - everything shows up eventually! I found my ID card... which I had only gotten on Thursday but managed to lose behind my chest of drawers! I also found an old diary, some cushions and my favourite teddy bear that I got when I was 4.

Discouragement. 
You probably won't stay motivated the entire time. It's impossible! The best memory I have was when I was cleaning my room at my dad's, and I was DEEP cleaning. I had pulled my furniture out, all my clothes had been sorted through, the bed was piled high with junk - and then I realized it was 11pm. So I went to sleep on the floor, and woke up surrounded by a warzone.

Some memory of the promises you made. 
Whether it was a decision to be healthy, study well, or keep your room neat (oops) you will remember or be reminded of it at some point. And remembering that you hadn't gone for a run in two years makes you want to curl up and eat ice cream.

Boredom.
Yes, cleaning can be boring! Easiest way to combat it? Crank the music, get into something comfy and groove out!

Something you spent money on. 
I mean like serious money. This is usually in the form of a phone, iPod, camera or other electronics; or band merch. Mine was actually a camera that my dad had won and given me, and it was also broken (remind me to tell the story of my year 7 camp...) but nevertheless it was a great find.

And finally, A sense of accomplishment. 
Yay! You've cleaned your room, it's beautiful and for once you can see your carpet (even the bits with makeup on it...)

Now... how long until it's messy again? 


Good luck with your cleaning, and have fun with it! Be sure to share your best stories in the comments section - I can't wait to read them!

Fairy God Daughter,
Flying away

How to Cope With a Friendship Break Up

Friendships are amazing while they last, but sometimes they break up. Quite recently, mine has, and so I’d thought I’d give my advice on how to deal with a break up. These are not necessarily in order, but just suggestions of things to do.

First, you want to figure out if the friendship is actually over, because it takes a lot of energy to mourn it, and it would be a waste of time if you’re just facing a blip. If you’ve concluded that the friendship is over – whether it was your choice, their choice or a mutual decision – and are not going to try getting it back, then please read the next steps.

1.       Chocolate. Okay, it’s not healthy and it can’t fix everything, but a little bit of comfort eating makes you feel better. I’ve eaten almost a whole family block of chocolate in the last 3 days!

2.       Crying. Yes, this one makes you feel better (well, except for the headache you get afterwards). Grab a pillow, and scream and cry to your heart’s content. This is also where you can say things that you want to say to your ex-friends that you wouldn’t actually say to them.

3.       Get your anger out! The way I did this was by putting Taylor Swift on full volume and having a dance session. I closed my bedroom door, blasted the music and jumped around like a maniac, screaming the lyrics that I felt the most. From experience, the rest of my family left me alone.

4.       Find support. This means finding new friends, but also outside support. For me, it has been FGM, and my sister Ted. They’ve been giving me advice, hugs and made me laugh (I’m talking to you, Home Girl Kizzle Dizzle Fo-Shizzle Nizzle). Trust me, something this big isn’t something you want to face alone.

5.       Stop responding. Every time they say something and you reply and they say something else etc. you’re just escalating it. Instead, don’t reply; block them from social media, don’t reply to their messages and texts, don’t answer their calls, walk away from them – just don’t engage in conversation. This will stop you from moving on, and most likely will make you get hurt again. On the same token, if you need to have a proper conversation about what went on and where to go from now, then be mature and stay calm. If things get angry, leave, and don’t respond. But if you reply to their catty remarks, and they reply, then you say something worse – it won’t stop. Also, if you try at a later time to be friends, you don’t want to have said things that you’ll regret. This means you can’t get in trouble, and all you have done is tried to avoid conflicts. Eventually they’ll get bored when they realise they won’t get a reaction, and they’ll stop.

6.       Accept it and move on. This is the hardest one, but eventually you have to realize that the friendship has changed, and things are different. You have to accept it and move on with your life. You can’t let this rule you, because that gives your ex-friends power over you and they don’t deserve that at all! They’ve obviously done something that has wrecked the friendship, and neither of you are blameless (no matter what happened – they did or didn’t do something, and you did or didn’t do something else) so you do not owe them anything, except possibly an apology. Put them out of your mind and surround yourself with people that make you happy.

7.       Don’t hold grudges. This one is basically arguing the other ones, but if you have legitimate issues that you can’t move on from, you need to talk to your old friends. Keep it calm and relaxed, but say to them that you are very hurt by what they did or said, and tell them what you would like. They don’t know whether you want them to replace something, apologise or even just acknowledge they did something – you need to tell them. It’s as simple as saying, “Gemma, I am really hurt that you insulted my new hair colour during our argument. It would make me feel better if you apologise.” DO NOT LET THINGS GET HEATED! You don’t want to have another argument, so if things get angry, walk away. Simply say that you will be back when both of you are calm, and leave; or, just walk off.

8.       Finally, make peace. Make sure you aren’t harvesting any negative feelings towards them, and that you are ready to make peace. You don’t have to say anything, you just have to let go of the hurt and accept that it happened, but that’s okay. You need to be at the stage where you can smile at them and say hi occasionally, and that you won’t burn the school down if you’re in the same class/classes.

Once you’re at the stage where you can be civil, then you’re healed. It can be a long and painful journey, especially if they continue doing things such as sending messages, saying things, ganging up on you and everything else; but eventually, they’ll get bored and stop.

If something has happened in your friendship that requires the termination of your relationship, then I am really sorry this happened to you. I wish you the best in the future, and if you want you can leave your story in the comments.

Good luck :)

Fairy God Daughter,

Flying away. 

The Reality of Divorce

You probably know someone who’s divorced. Your parents; your friends’ parents; family members; teachers; coworkers; heck, even the random checkout chick could be divorced.

My own parents are separated, and it sucks.

Trust me, it does.

To anyone who’s a divorced kid (kid of divorced parents) let me tell you: you are not alone! There are millions of other kids who have to face it every day, and we understand.

Whilst marriage is supposed to be forever and full of love and caring and all that, the reality is that sometimes it just doesn’t work out. This could be because the marriage was too quick; because they didn’t feel what they should have, or thought they did; because the feelings were there, but have disintegrated; or because even though the feelings were there and still are there, things might have happened that can’t be forgiven.

Some people marry too fast. This could be because they are in a crazy, head-over-heels, soul-consuming relationship (which happens); it could be because there is a baby, either born or on the way; or because of other circumstances, such as money, peer pressure or even being drunk (*cough* Vegas *cough*). I’m not saying this is wrong, or bad; I understand why people do it, and sometimes it’s out of necessity. However, this can be bad because the two people don’t know each other well enough yet; and things change so quickly.

Whilst it’s not as common, occasionally people don’t have feelings for the person they marry. This could be because they’re too shy to say anything; they want to get married; or it’s out of necessity. Has anyone seen The Proposal starring Sandra Bullock? If you haven’t, there’s a movie to add to the list of movies to watch. Basically, Margaret decides to marry her employee Andrew to get a Visa, so she doesn’t get deported to Canada. This is the perfect example of marrying for necessity; and sometimes the lack of feeling overrides the need for the marriage.

One of the most common reasons for separation or divorce is that the feelings have simple disappeared. This could be because of arguments, money strain, outside influences (such as a friend or family member that hates the spouse) or any number of reasons. As people grow, they change, and they don’t always change together and go in the same direction. My grandparents have been together for over 50 years; my parents struggled to reach 15. So obviously some marriages work, and some don’t.

Another popular reason for divorce is that the feelings are still there, but something happened. This something can be lying, an affair, stealing, abuse or even just failing to be there. This unfortunately happens a lot, and the smart ones go. Some problems can’t be resolved, can’t be forgiven and forgotten, and will cause resentment and hurt. And if this has happened, leaving is a good choice – no matter how much it sucks.

All separations and breakups will leave a trail of broken hearts, hurt and anger, regret, and possibly a lot more messy feelings.

If there are children, pets, houses, businesses etc. involved, it can make it all the messier. Settlement, custody, even distribution and loads more can be complications in the breakup.

It sucks when your parents break up, but it does happen a lot.

Whilst I don’t have any advice or experience with being involved in a divorce (I have one ex-boyfriend who I was with for 3 weeks) I know a fair bit about being a child of divorce.

I know that it’s confusing and scary; it hurts and kills; it can make you lose faith in a lot of things. But here is my message to divorce kids: stay strong, keep hope, and remember that it will get better!

I’m not at that ‘better’ stage yet, but I am hopeful that it’s coming soon – I’m about due for something good!

And remember that you aren’t alone, that there is somebody somewhere in the same situation, and that there is always someone you can talk to. No matter how hard it is right now, it will get easier, even though it might get worse first.

But hang in there, because you have to experience the darkness to appreciate the light, but eventually day will come and the sun will rise. I have faith in you :)

The reality of divorce is that it is messy, it is heartbreaking, it is difficult. The child/children can often get caught in the middle, they do get dragged from one house to the other, they can take sides, they can prefer one parent or place to another, the parents might tell them things they don’t or want to hear, and so many different thoughts and feelings are going to run through the heads of everyone involved. Just remember that it is never the kid’s fault, and we often don’t get control over or a say in what happens, and that can be super tricky.

Would you like me to do more “Divorce” posts? It is a huge subject for me, but what do you people think? Is it a good idea, will it be helpful? I want your feedback!

This post was heavier than usual, but I thin k this is a really important topic to talk about because so many people have to deal with it. 

Fairy God Daughter,

Flying Away

When Friendships Go Bad

Yesterday I had my first day back at school. Yay! I was expecting it to be the best first day of the best year. And it mostly was...
Except that something happened at lunch time.

To tell this story, I'm going to have to backtrack a bit.

Two years ago, my friendship group consisted Ice Queen; Fish; Fangirl; and Superstar. There was also some others, but those are the main ones.

Since then, Superstar and Ice Queen have moved away - one to about an hour away, and the other across the other side of the country. Which sucks.

Yesterday was my first day at school without Ice Queen because I met her in the first week of my first year at this school. So already, I was nervous about the friendship aspect of the day. But then this event happened.

At my school, we have a first break (Morning Tea) and a second break (lunch). At first break, I went to the table that we had sat at last year. Fish and Fangirl didn't show up, but the other girls did. I didn't really think it was that important because it's not unusual for people to skip a lunch or morning tea. Sometimes people are talking to a teacher, other friends or are just too busy.

I didn't see them between morning tea and lunch, because we had different schedules.

At lunch, nobody was at the table. Except for me.

Our lunch is just under an hour long. About halfway through, when I was about to cry, some girls from another group - the group that I will be sitting with from now on - came over and sat down. They basically said that I looked lonely and would I like to go sit with them and their group. I did, and had a good lunchtime.

Immediately after, we had to go get our books. Outside the hall that we had to go into, I spied the girls. When I went up to them, I said, "Where were you guys?"
They responded with, "At the table."
After informing them that no, they weren't because I was there all lunch, they then refused to tell me where their new table was.

And then I clued in to why they weren't telling me.
"If you don't want to be friends, just say so."
The look they gave each other said it all, so I turned and walked off. And they just let me go.

I didn't really see them for the rest of the day.
I didn't cry, because I knew there were too many people around and this wasn't their problem - it was mine. And Fish and Fangirl's, of course.

However, once I was on the way home - I had gotten off the bus and was walking from the bus stop to my house - the dam broke. I cried and cried as One Direction played on my iPhone. I even honestly consider stepping in front of a bus or car, before remembering that suicide wasn't the option, no matter how bad it would make Fangirl and Fish feel to know that it was their fault (because it could make me feel pretty dodgy myself, or it could make me dead) and how much I would love to not have this stress and confusion on my shoulders.
I had a few questions, mostly beginning with why and what.
Why had they treated me like this. Why didn't they want to be friends anymore. What had I done? What could I do now? Did I even want to be friends with people who would treat me like that?
One thing I didn't consider was that it wasn't my fault. They are the only people that can decide how they act, and if they choose to be cows it's up to them.

So I called my trusty FGM and had a long D&M with her (which was punctuated with noise from Strawberry as she tried to climb into her pram which would probably tip it over) which made me realise that they were complete cows, that I didn't need friends like that (or that with friends like that I didn't even need enemies).
She also suggested I write a blog post, which I am obviously doing right now.

The last thing that I did related to this issue (aside from blocking them on Instagram) was text Fangirl with a simple, "What happened today?" 
I didn't get a reply.

Today when I went to school, I saw them a little bit in the morning. I made eye contact with Fangirl, who looked away; Fish wouldn’t look at me.

At lunch, they came to my new group and asked to talk to me. I initially refused, saying that I had nothing I wanted to say to them; but when the other girls in my group said I should, I went with them.

They then proceeded to talk about every fight or argument we’ve had since the group formed, two years ago. These were their reasons for ditching me. They also spoke about their other stuff going on at home – to be fair, I do use the ‘stuff going on outside of school’ excuse a lot, which I’ve decided not to do this year.

When they started saying personal stuff about me, I snapped.

I basically said to them that I don’t want to be friends with people who leave me by myself and don’t talk to me, then leave it up to me to figure it out. I don’t want to be friends with people who don’t have the decency to tell me when they have legitimate issues. More importantly, I don’t want to be friends with people who make me feel so bad that I walk home crying, feel so bad that I call FGM in tears, feel so bad that I consider jumping in front of a bus, feel so bad that I believe I have no friends and that I’m a horrible person.

Would anyone?

I stormed off, almost in tears, and went back to my new group (who immediately make me laugh by talking about throwing cats at people).

And all afternoon, I’ve had one thought in my mind.

I am NOT going back to them. They are absolute cows.

So what are my thoughts?

Well first my thought was that it was my fault, but then I realized that obviously Fish and Fangirl have problems of their own.

I thought that it was extremely rude the way that they went about it. I thought that it was a really immature way to handle things.

I think that they owe me an apology for the way they handled it.

I know that if they treat me like that, they never really were my friends.

I think that I’m completely over them.

 But I know that if they need me, they'll come back, and I'll probably be stupid (or kind?) enough to let them. 

So what has this taught me?

It’s taught me that sometimes, no matter how hard you try or how great you think things are, friendships fall apart – or are smashed.

It’s taught me that you DO NOT under any circumstances treat your friends like that. If you thought they were good enough for you to form a friendship with them in the first place, they’re good enough to deserve to be told when that friendship’s over.  I don’t care how much you think they've screwed up, but they deserve to know - nobody should be kept in limbo wondering where they stand with someone. It sucks. I don't mind if you send a passive-aggressive text, scream at them that it's over or just say the cliche, "We're done." (followed by a hair flip and an impressive storm away, of course) JUST DON'T  LEAVE THEM HANGING!

I also learned that it's hard to know who your real friends are until it's put to the test. 

So what are your stories? What's happened in your group that has changed your life - good or bad? 

What have you learned from it and what are you doing (or did you do) about it? 

One last thing that I learned was that things change, people change and sometimes things don't always work. Just as you grow out of your favourite childhood ballet tutu or superhero costume, you can outgrow people, and relationships. 

But never let the fear of striking out stop you from playing the game. 

Fairy God Daughter, 

Flying away

The Day My Brother Caught a Shark

So I have a brother. He's nearly sixteen, and we're going to call him Shark. After this post, you'll see why.

My brother likes fishing, eeling and sharking. And yesterday, in the river, he and his friend were fishing, when the best moment of his fishing life happened.
He caught a shark.
It was a 1.1 metre bull shark, that he judged to be, 'at least eleven kilos.'

I wasn't with him at the time, but he called our mum, and she ran into the living room where my sister and I were watching Alvin and the Chipmunks (can I just say, that movie is hilarious) yelling "He's caught a shark, he's caught a shark, get in the car!"

We did, really confused, and on the manic drive to the river (during which my excited mother somehow managed to stay inside the speed limit) we asked Mum all about it, to which she responded with, "I DON'T KNOW!"

When we arrived at the river, my sister knew where to go, but I ran around like an idiot and kept tripping over. Trust me, that isn't anything new.
Anyway, when we found him he refused to take the shark out of the water until Mum got there. Unfortunately she was just walking and texting, so she took a little while to show up.

FINALLY he picked it up, and he could barely hold it. He wouldn't let me touch it, but I took loads of pictures. There were some random kids there as well, that I think were just hanging around when they heard Shark's high-pitched squeal (at least, I think there would have been one).

After my brother swam the shark away, we heard the story. They had used frozen mullet as bait, but defrosted it on a dirty park barbecue. "Gives it flavour," Shark said. (he also said the same thing about the pizza he ate two minutes after touching the shark - no, he did not wash his hands). After casting and getting a bite, they started to reel it in. They didn't get excited, because they thought it was just a stringray - which apparently act the same as sharks, regarding the bait, but are just disappointing - until the saw the fin. Then they started yelling and screaming. They were on the end of the jetty, so Shark had to run down to the shore to take the shark while his friend held it and reeled it in. Apparently they almost lost a shoe. They also wanted to eat the shark, but thankfully mum said "No way."

After we left, the boys kept fishing; but when they got home, the whole house started to smell like fish. And don't even get me started on how Shark threw his fish-clothes in the basket of clean clothes, instead of the one for dirty clothes.

"The trick to catching bull sharks is to cook the mullet on a barbecue," my brother's friend said.
"A dirty barbecue," added Shark.


So that's the story of how my brother caught a shark. Has anyone else got interesting stories of things that they or someone else have caught? Please tell me!

Fairy God Daughter,
Flying Away